Although I consider myself a very healthy and happy person now and am constantly working to become the best version of myself, I definitely didn’t start here. In fact, for many years during high school and college, I wasn’t nearly as happy, healthy or fulfilled as I am now and was actually very disconnected from my true self. I know what it feels like to not be satisfied even though from the outside your life may look great and it may be exactly what you thought you wanted.
This can happen to us for so many reasons – it’s easy to forget to listen to ourselves and our own intuition and instead become someone else and do things for external succusses or other’s expectations. I am here to show you how much more fulfilling and vibrant your life can be once you become aware of this and take the steps to reconnect to your most authentic self. I know it can be hard and scary, but I promise it’s so worth it.
My journey really started during college. About 2 years ago I was in the midst of completing a business degree at USC and decided to add a minor in Nutrition and Health Promotion on top of an already busy schedule. I was in a sorority and constantly consumed by the plethora of social events offered every weekend (and weekdays too). I was drinking at least 3 nights a week (at the minimum), staying up late, barely making it to class on time, and not caring what foods I ate, especially during those late nights under the influence. Any college students out there that can relate?
Surprisingly, I was doing well academically and consistently getting good grades – but that’s because my two priorities at the time were doing well in school and having a social life, with everything else falling to the wayside, especially my health.
During my freshman year, I got sick more times than I can count – if there was any illness going around the freshman dorms, I was sure to get it, sometimes even twice. The worst part was that I didn’t change my habits when I got sick to allow enough time for recovery because I just couldn’t pass up on all the tempting social events and opportunities to exhibit my newfound freedom as a college student.
Although I definitely overdid it at the beginning, I got a bit better at taking care of myself as the years went on. My drinking and partying slowly decreased throughout college, but I was still always going out and drinking more than I felt was ideal for me but didn’t think too much of it – that’s just what everyone was doing.
Then by senior year, something shifted. I was still focused on doing well academically, but I was finding myself somewhat disillusioned with the social events I was previously dying to go to. I had a steady boyfriend and we actually found ourselves longing for an early night in while at the same time still attending all the events we were ‘expected to’ by our fellow Greek life friends. On the outside, I was living what I thought was the perfect college existence – part of a great sorority, living with all my sorority friends, dating an amazing guy who I of course met at a ‘Wine Wednesday’ mixer with his fraternity. After a while, however, I realized that I wasn’t actually having fun all the time, like that true and authentic kind of fun. I was going through the motions but on the inside, I was actually longing for a pretty different, healthier life.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my time at USC and all of the amazing friends I met (and still have) and wouldn’t change anything about it. However, there came a time where I was feeling that my lifestyle and a lot of the activities that filled my time weren’t truly aligned with who I am. And to be honest, even with this understanding, I didn’t have the courage to really listen to my intuition and start doing less of the things that didn’t fulfill me while still in college. Our environment just wasn’t conducive to things like eating healthy, getting a good night’s sleep, and drinking less – all things that I know now are key to getting to know yourself better.
While I was pondering all of this and just starting to dip my toes into this new healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle I was dreaming of, that’s when COVID hit. After our spring break and the announcement that classes would probably be remote for the remainder of the semester, my last semester of college, I packed up my things and moved home to San Diego.
Although I was of course sad about missing out on our last college memories, especially getting an official graduation, I was actually feeling another emotion too – relief. It wasn’t until all the socializing, drinking, parting, and mingling was taken away that I realized how truly exhausted and run down I had become from all of it.
I realized that, for the majority of the past 4 years, I had been trying to reinvent myself as an outgoing, fun, down-for-anything extrovert – when underneath it all I’m very much an introvert who gets my energy from being alone, slowing down, and taking care of herself. That’s why, unsurprisingly, I felt this huge sense of relief during quarantine when I didn’t have to go to clubs, concerts, and events every weekend. In fact, I drank less than I ever had during quarantine since the beginning of my alcohol career. Plus, I discovered how much I enjoyed, and needed, to spend more time alone.
With more downtime on my hands, I also found myself thrown into a journey of not necessarily reinventing myself but rather reconnecting with who I’ve been all along and rebuilding my health at the same time. I tried new online workouts – yoga, Pilates, kickboxing (I swear POPSUGAR Fitness and Pamela Reif got me through quarantine). I started journaling – my first entry was right after spring break reflecting on the beginning of COVID-19 and my school semester being cut short. I even tried meditating (which I’ve tried briefly from time to time) and was finally able to start a consistent meditation practice that has been going strong for the past 6 months. It was also during quarantine where I dived deeper into my passions for health and wellness, by listening to podcasts, reading books, and getting curious about things like mindset, manifestation, human design, Ayurveda, reiki, and veganism to name a few. Soon after, I started eating healthier and feeling better, my acne cleared up, my digestion improved, and I felt a sense of calm and clarity – I was finally reaping the benefits of living as my true self.
Before I say anything else, I do want to acknowledge the terrible consequences COVID-19 has had on the world and so many people’s lives. However, I also want to point out that despite the incomprehensible negative toll this pandemic has taken, there have also been some positive shifts that have come out of it.
It has really been a time of massive reflection and upheaval, of figuring out what works and what doesn’t, and, on an individual level, of being forced to take a deeper look at the state of your own life. It has made us more aware of our own mortality and the value of our lives when faced with something as shocking, emotional, and daunting as a global pandemic.
For me, it has deepened my commitment to live the most true, authentic, and fulfilling life possible. To treat my body kindly and value my health and happiness more than ever before. To stop wasting any time pretending to be someone I’m not just to fit it or be ‘normal’ and accepted. To stop hiding any aspects of myself that I feel are ‘too different’. There’s no time for that stuff anymore.
Another result of the past few months of my life has been the strengthening of an innate knowing within me that I am supposed to be passionate about my career, that I need to be doing something I love. Career has always been an area of my life marked by a lot of uncertainty and anxiety – mainly because I hadn’t yet found that passion. I have seen so many people end up stuck in unfulfilling careers that do not light them up or give them a sense of purpose or excitement and I realized that is the last thing I want for myself.
This is why I’m committed to turning my passion for health, wellness, and helping others into my career. Although I don’t know the details of what exactly it will look like and might not love every step along the way, I am practicing taking small steps to get there. It’s because of all of this – my experience of being out of touch with myself and finally reconnecting, of rebuilding my health, and of discovering what it feels like to take care of your body again – that I am showing up here to share my story with you and help others going through their own unique wellness journeys. It’s through this that I will be able to live my absolute best life and do what lights me up every day.
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from my story it’s this – now is the time to stop living unauthentically or disconnected from your true self. You’re not going to become healthy and happy by drinking that green juice or doing the detox or the diet. The only way to do it is the hard way – by courageously and unapologetically discovering who you really are and living your life every day as that person, not the type of person you think you should be, not the type of person your friends or family expect you to be, but the 100% authentic expression of yourself. And guess what? The sooner you face this truth, the sooner you can start living a fulfilled and vibrant life – your best life.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope this gave you more insight into my journey and why I am here doing what I do. If you want to talk more about anything that came up in this post just leave a comment below or DM me on Instagram, I’d love to talk.
